And It Grows Cold
by merrinpippy
Summary: It's growing cold. Bilbo doesn't know why.


And it grows cold.

And I can feel the blood through my veins. The steady pumping…or at least, steady for now. There are distant voices- familiar, but I can't make them out. I think I can hear wings. Maybe it's just my imagination.

Ah- ow, eek

I can't speak

But I must suffer in silence. Worse than pins and needles, and that's really painful. I don't even know what it is…wait. A hit to the head? Was that it? I think I remember. It was…a rock. A rock to the head.

Funny, a rock to the head put me in bed for about a week when I was a faunt, too.

Why

Why am I remembering this?

Why can I see Lobelia and Hamfast? Ah, the Shire. How I miss the rays of sun over Hobbiton. Having elevensies, afternoon tea, and dinner, rather than scraps now and then, when we can afford to hunt.

I say we; really, would you expect me to hunt?

Who am I even talking to?

_It doesn't matter, Bilbo. The more you talk, even inside your own head, the more likely it is that you'll recover. And I need you to recover._

Who are you?

_That doesn't matter either. Stay, Bilbo. Talk to me. Tell me of…anything. Tell me of- the company. _

The company? Well…there's Ori, Nori, Dori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dwalin, Balin, Fili, Kili…and Thorin. They're nice enough, once you get to know them. It helps if they're not wiping their feet on your mother's glory box or calling you a grocer.

Just saying.

Ori was nice. He was the most hobbit-ty of the bunch, I think. He was quiet, and he liked drawing. Wait, why I am speaking in past tense? He _is _quiet and he _likes _drawing. Good with a slingshot, too. Very brave, and underestimated by most of the company.

A bit like me…though I guess with me they were closer to the mark.

Nori's a thief, I think. I'm pretty sure. Not too friendly with Dwalin, I don't think (I wonder why).

Dori…well, I don't know Dori that well. I know he's the eldest brother of Nori and Ori. Hmm. Maybe I just can't remember.

Oin's the healer. Right? Right. He has a kind heart, but it's easy to lose patience with his poor hearing abilities.

Gloin has a trillion beards

A trillion ginger beards

A trillion ginger beards are cool

He has a wife and son, I think. Gimli, right? He was the one who wanted to come on the quest but wasn't allowed. Too young, I think.

Bifur is surprisingly nice company, once you get past the fact that he can't speak Westron. He's a good listener.

Bofur was the first to accept me, I think. Bofur's lovely. He has a kind heart, definitely. His presence is soothing, from what I can remember.

Bombur loves food, if you can believe it. I don't think there's any limit to the amount he can consume. Good fighter, too.

Dwalin was the first to arrive at Bag End. He's damn intimidating! One of the best warriors in the company, if not _the _best. He has a soft side, too. He just doesn't like to show it. Except when he's around Ori.

Nope, not implying anything

Balin is the wisest of the company. I don't even think he fell to the gold sickness like…well. He had doubts about the quest at the beginning, if I remember correctly.

Fili and Kili were very protective of each other. They still are. (Stop talking in past tense, Bilbo!) They're very mischievous, but deadly serious in the right situation. I know Thorin's very proud of them.

And Thorin…

…I don't even know about Thorin anymore.

_Why not?_

I had thought we'd grown closer. I must have been very naïve.

…_Why is that?_

Well, because of…recent events. The gold sickness and whatnot. I mean, I know he must have fallen to it but…I did not expect the change in character to be that great. It hurt.

_I'm so sorry. _

Why? It's not your-

…fault.

Wait. _Wait. _

_Bilbo, I am so sorry. _

I, but, Thorin?

_I'm here, Bilbo. _

How? How are you here?

_The question is, how- or rather, why- are you here? I know why I'm here. I'm dead. Did you not see me fall? Fili and Kili? They're here too. They died in vain, trying to save me. Loyal to the last. Their mother would be proud. _

Then I'm dead too?

_I don't think so. I think you're on the edge of the worlds._

So…I can choose, then? Whether I live or die? Hop off either side?

_When you put it like that…maybe. _

Well then, what a simple choice. If I could only figure out how…

_I guess this is goodbye, Bilbo. _

What? Why?

_Aren't you going back? To live the rest of your life? _

Come off it, Thorin. If I have to choose between living and y-

…um.

_Living and what? _

I just…okay. I'm going to admit this now and I'm probably going to regret it. Thorin. I. Um. I.

Nope, never mind. I was always good at chickening out.

_No, Bilbo. I think I know what you mean. _

If I had a body I think I'd be choking

Well then.

_Are you sure? _

Sure of what?

_You could live your entire life. You have so much in front of you. _

I wouldn't enjoy any of it, without…

…I would stay…

…Rather than…go back alone…

…

If you want me to, that is.

_Bilbo?_

Yes, Thorin?

_Take my hand, love._

And it grows cold.

And then much, much warmer.


End file.
